I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
