AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
there is glitter all over my balls
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
