When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
