On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
