She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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