At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Every concussion has its silver lining
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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