What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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