He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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