Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
