If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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