mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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