I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
