Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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