Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
