coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
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