I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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