i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize