I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
