i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
