Betty ford says i'm here all night
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize