pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
