Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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