I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
