i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Randomize