listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
