I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
