im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
