I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
