we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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