some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
