its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
