The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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