Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
