I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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