I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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