I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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