we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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