I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
