i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
