dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
