i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
