i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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