ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
