u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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