i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
