Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
