I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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