i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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