alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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