I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Randomize