In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
