i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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