Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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