Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
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