What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
