Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I wish you could order shots online.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
