Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
