if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My penis needs a shock collar
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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