i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
