Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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