That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
