I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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