I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
