You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
