i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
