If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Randomize
