Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
